Would We Report on These Two Misdemeanor Arrests?

It’s a beautiful morning in Florence, Alabama, and Mick Jagger and Don D. Dough are leaving our fair city after successful business trips. Both realize they are in need of smokes for the long journey ahead of them and stop at Fred’s on the way out of town (for the purposes of this thrilling tale, Fred’s is still very much open).

Both men park on Court Street and enter the discount department store. Upon leaving, Mr. Jagger sees one of Florence’s finest ticketing his vehicle for not putting change in the parking meter. When he asks the officer “Do you know who I am?” it doesn’t help matters. In fact, matters escalate very quickly and Jagger is arrested for disorderly conduct.

Meanwhile, inside the store, Mr. Dough spots some bottles of Matey Bubble Bath. He hasn’t seen any of that brand since he was a child and quickly makes a purchase. In fact, he’s so excited that he can’t wait to take a bath, but has unfortunately already checked out of his hotel room. No matter, he remembers seeing the fountain in Wilson Park. Once at the fountain, he strips off and begins to frolic in the now bubbly water. Another of Florence’s finest quickly takes Dough in hand, and off he goes to join Mick in the slammer.

Both arrests were misdemeanors, so why would Pen-N-Sword report on them? We would publish an article on the first arrest due to who the arrestee was; we would publish an article on the second arrest due to the odd nature of the crime. 

So if a semi-famous local musician is arrested because he can’t be bothered to make it to a court appearance or a local woman is arrested for flashing a police officer, yes, we do publish articles about those arrests. We do not publish these accounts to be vindictive concerning anyone, but because they are of interest to the general public. 

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26 Jul 2019

By Staff